Waktunya Pulang

Kadang kita memutuskan pergi

Jauh

tinggalkan semua

yang kita kenal

selama ini

ketika rasa

tak lagi cukup

dengan yang ada

ketika rasa

yakin bahwa bahagia

ada di luar sana

maka kita pergi

ikuti rasa

mengkoleksi nama

mengumpulkan kisah

serta menimbun kenangan

maka kita pergi

mencari bahagia

di setiap sudut persinggahan

mencari makna

di setiap pertemuan

mencari akhir

di setiap awal

sampai rasa mempersilakan lelah

untuk singgah

menemani

dan berkisah

tentang rumah

tentang tempat semua bermula

tentang jalan pulang

yang selalu ada

dan menanti

tak peduli sejauh apa

jarak yang terentang

tak peduli selama apa

ia ditinggalkan

dan dia berbisik lembut

pulanglah

semua yang kau cari

ada di sana

semua yang ingin kau temui

menantimu di sana

pulanglah

agar kau ingat

bahagia itu sederhana

dan kesederhanaan itu

memang nyata

Jakarta 20.12.2012

Buih Pikiran #1

Jangankan menyapamu

Memikirkanmu saja tak lagi ku mampu

kuharap rindu ini lamat-lamat sirna

Tak lagi beratkan kalbuku

———-

Rasa ini masih saja menghimpit

Entah siapa dan apa lagi kali ini

Yang akan kupersalahkan

———-

Waktu merangkak lambat

Sabar terus kurentang

Duduk diam bukan hal mudah

Ketika pikiran dan kenangan

Tiada ampun

Mengeroyok nurani

———-

Terlalu banyak ragu

Merantai sayapku

Aku belum siap

Aku benci diburu-buru

———-

Masih ada hari esok

Jika hari ini terlewatkan

Dan hampa itu menganga

Ingatlah terus

Tak ada yang sia-sia

Tak ada yang perlu dikejar

Tak ada kata terlambat

 ———-

Ternyata rasa itu bukan cinta

Ternyata yang kurasa adalah favoritisme

kau adalah eskapisme

Saat kebosanan hampakan waktuku

Saat dunia penatkan benakku

Saat hormon bulanan merongrong emosiku

Saat segalanya menjadi terlalu

Kau katarsis favoritku

A Newbie

Occupy me

Like I’m a newbie

Come sit with me

Tell all your stories

No more secrets

Now let us own it

Breath by breath

Tears by tears

Pour it all out

No more hiding

Now let us clean it

Return it to innocence

The temple

Of your eternal sparkle

Return it to emptiness

The silent sanctuary

Where your essence dwells

Now let you alone

Inhabit it

Stand tall

Clean

Fresh

Renewed

And may you always remember that

All thoughts are worth listening

All stories are worth telling

All souls are worth embracing

Pagi Setelah Pagi Kemarin

aku merasa pekat

karena bayangmu terus melekat

cukup sudah, Tuhan

Kau tunggu apa lagi?

Tolong aku cepat

tenagaku sirna lamat-lamat

sudah terlalu lama aku tersekat

Teriakku makin tercekat

Dengar bisikku kini, Tuhan

Tolong aku

jangan Kau terlambat

Jakarta 23.11.2012

On this day, God wants you to know...

On this day, God wants you to know... that God sees you as you truly are, - a holy child 

of light:

I see you strong and whole. I see you blessed and prospered. I see you courageous and confident. I see you capable and successful. I see you free from all limitations or bondage of any kind. I see you as the spiritually perfect being you truly are.

* Today's message...oh how I want to see myself that way..

Untuk Mama

Mama,

andai takdir bisa diubah

aku ingin jadi adikmu saja

biar tumpah semua keluh kesahmu

ke kupingku.

biar kuusap air mata itu

dengan tanganku

biar tak repot kau sembunyikan lukamu

dariku

Biar kesempurnaan yang terus kau upayakan

tetap milikNya

Mama,

aku ingin jadi adikmu saja

biar kita bisa tertawa dan menangis

bersama-sama

Jakarta 10 November 2012

*31 tahun yang lalu aku resmi jadi anaknya :D

Connected

I hear your laughter

Warm and light like summer

And you know yes you always know

It’s your kiss that i miss

soft and gentle like the morning breeze

Oh boy stay connected

don’t let me lost and get abducted

let the past remains past

let’s keep it sweet and romantic

I hear your cry

What’s with the heavy sigh

And you know yes you always know

It’s your eyes that speak no lies

About the love that never dies

Oh girl stay connected

don’t wanna get lost and feel haunted

let the past remains past

let’s keep it sweet and romantic

The past remains the past

We can always keep it sweet and romantic

Jakarta 30 Okt. 12

Love All

Image Credit

Take my hand

Close your eyes

Feel each step with your heart

Slowly 

We walk

Further

Deeper

To the part

That is darker

We walk

And walk

We see nothing

We hear nothing

But I got your hands

And u got mine

And we keep walking

Guided only

With d beat within

Trust only

Each other's loving

Take my hand

Close your eyes

Feel each fear

Embrace every tears

Welcome every agony

For they are all sacred 

Just like me

Just like u

Walk further

Greet everything

Love all

Until there's no more shadow

Left unknown

Left unloved

Until d dark becomes light

And d light merges with d dark

Walk further

A lil' more

Until u see only yourself

And I see only mine

Naked

Sacred

Undefined

Fly High

Image Credit

You know, when Universe gives you wings to soar in a rocketing speed, launch high with a smile and a thankful heart.

 Keep your gaze upon the sky, fear not the height and speed and fear not to fall down because Universe gives only what you are ready to take. 

So when you are given those wings, know that you are indeed ready and capable to soar. 

Fly high beautiful souls ♥

Then What's Real?

Image Credit

Far from here
at the core of my being
I sit and watch
that clarity you define
as the part of your being

I’m untouched
in the undefined silence
I see you
Yet you don’t see me

Seasons change
And spring has far gone
Yet your fragrance lingers on
telling me you don’t die
not as easy as you thought

Feelings remain the same
Memories remain untamed
All happened happened
Loss and gain are mere illusion

Then what’s real, you ask
I sit here untouched
in the undefined silence
Seeing you in me
We are real, answer I

In our own mind
In our own heart

Perhaps you are blind
perhaps I am mute
but this whole mind game won’t last

Soon we will realize
the one thing that remains
is you and I
Here and Now

Simple Steps To Shoosh Away That Dark Clouds

There are times I wake up with a bad mood and feeling lethargic. And sometimes this feeling can last for days and shift throughout the day from bored, mellow to feeling depressed. I call this kind of feeling as “Being visited by Dementor” feeling. For a slight info, Dementor are creatures in Harry Potter book that feed off human happiness, and thus cause depression and despair to anyone near them.

            Of course, letting this feelings last for days can disturb my routines. But I find that sometimes simple things like treating myself more or a change in my diet can really help to boost up the good feelings inside. Here are some other options I usually do to shoosh the dark cloud away from my head.

-Take a shower. Water is known to have healing effects on both human’s emotion and body. And sometimes, just a short refreshing shower is enough to snap me out of a bad mood.

-Unplug then go outside. Spending hours in front of the computer or TV, no matter how positive or interesting the content on the screen, can leave me feeling drain and tired. Regularly unplugging myself from technology and spend more time outside just to breathe the fresh air and enjoy the beauty of Mother Nature make me feel rejuvenated instantly.

- Exercise. A good workout can be an excellent mood booster. It also can help loosen up the body, activate the endorphins, and produce happy feeling.

-Nibble on chocolate. Experts say, one small piece of chocolate contains a pleasure-promoting, mood-regulating neuro-transmitter called phenylethylamine, which stimulates a rush of endorphins, the same compounds released during an orgasm.

-Make a cup of tea, coffee or chocolate. Not only the taste but the smells of these beverage can be therapeutic and make me feel ease and relax.

-Laugh. This is may be the simplest way to clear out the blues. I like to find something funny on the books or TV and allow myself to laugh really hard.

-Gratitude attitude. Writing down things that I feel good and thankful about usually ignite the positive feelings inside.

- Nix the negativity. Finally the most fundamental thing in boosting up moods is my thinking pattern. If I have negative thoughts racing in my mind, I will take a deep breath and choose to think a better feeling thoughts. If this can be a new habit, bad mood will no longer be a problem.  

Dream (Quotes by Paulo Coelho)

You don’t need to explain your dreams. They belong to you.

~Paulo Coelho~

My Empath Quiz Result

Took the quiz just now from this website http://empathconnection.com/
The result is kinda accurate...

You Scored as Healer
You are a Healer Empath. You take in the energy of others and transmute it. You trigger transformation in others and free trapped energy. You are capable of great healing abilities. You walk between the worlds and bring waves of healing energy with your presence. (from "The Book of Storms" by Jad Alexander at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Empaths/)

Healer

85%

Universal

85%

Fallen Angel

80%

Artist

75%

Precog

70%

Traveler

65%

Shaman

65%

Judge

60%

It Always Takes Two To Tango

When something bad happens, like your loved one suddenly leave you, do you really think that you are a victim?

Sometimes I like to think life as a school where I learn about certain things through experience. And like any other school, there are several compulsory subjects to take. These are subjects that will aim specifically to enhance growth by experiencing pain and sufferings like illness, a breakup, job loss, and many others. And it’s very normal and common to think ourselves as victims especially because we think pain is a one way action. Take a breakup for example. A breakup often initiated by one person in a relationship and it most likely hurt the other one involved. But if we take a closer look at the problem then we will be able to say ‘it takes two to tango.’

Image Credit

I myself just got out of an unhealthy long-term relationship with a guy. We were together for almost six years until one day he disappeared just like that. I remember we still talked on the phone one evening and the next day he stopped answering my calls, replying my text and until now I have no idea about his whereabouts. Four months after he left, I then decided to stop trying to reach him. Knowing that wasn’t the first time he disappeared during our 5 years together, I made up my mind that enough is enough. I couldn’t stand treated like that any longer. I thought I’d been giving him too much liberty to come and go without notice all this time. Even if it’s final, I still thought I deserved an explanation.

Since then, I spent years thinking myself as a victim of this relationship. Until one day I was able to overcome the pain, the anger and resentments then I could see this problem more objectively. Even though I still don’t know the reason why he ended the relationship like that, I’m sure I contribute something to the breakup. It could be the lack of communications, lack of understanding, or too much compromising, or anything. One thing I learn from this is, thinking myself as a victim doesn’t help at all. It was only prolong the pain and made me stuck in a rut. But when I took the responsibility and admit that I might also did something that make the other person end the relationship, I felt more empowered and I was able to pull myself together faster.

That’s life. No matter how hard you try to hold on to something, if that is never meant to be yours it won’t stay. So, yes a breakup hurts like hell especially if it’s a good relationship that gone sour. But when you get over it you’ll know the sweetness of this saying “Never be sad for what is over, just be glad that it was once yours”.

Also posted in: http://healthmad.com/mental-health/it-always-takes-two-to-tango/#ixzz1kFNPhlnd

Bring Back The Child's Confidence

Children always fascinate me. Most of the time when I forget the true inborn quality of human, I just have to look at little children. They are cheerful, full of curiosity, expressive, loud, innocence and fearless. They don’t have much worries and fears like adults. But unfortunately, I meet many parents, out of their ignorance, transmit their worries and fears to their kids and these little children can start to have worries and fears as early as the age of 3. In addition to that, it’s very common that the society want them not to make mistakes. While making mistakes is actually an important process to grow. 

Every weekend, I teach my neighbor’s little daughter to read and write for one and half hour. She’s six years old. She’s so timid, shy and very quite. In our first meetings, I needed to put extra efforts to just to communicate with her. Whenever I asked a question, she responded by nodding or shrugging. When she found difficulties in writing a word, she would just sit and stared at her paper blankly for a long time. When we tried to read a word together, I could only hear her whisper. But when I asked her to repeat after me, she would just move her lips without any sound.

Today, before starting the lesson, I decided to ask her to do some artsy. I know she likes to draw using color pencils and crayons, so this time I asked her to join me painting with acrylic paint. Her eyes got bigger when she saw piles of small color tubes on the floor. I could sense her excitement. I only taught her how to mix certain colors and let her do the rest. I let her know that she’s free to use all the brushes and paints here and she didn’t have to worry to be messy or to create something ugly. There’s no ugly art for me. Whenever she hesitated, she would look at me asking for approval if her painting was okay. And I would assure her that she could paint anything on that paper. That she’s allowed to be as creative as she could be. Then not long after she started painting, she became talkative. She asked many questions like how to make pink color or how to clean the brush or how to make a flower and why she needed water to paint, etc. It was wonderful to finally see her actively into something and to finally listen to her cute voice enthusiastically asking many things. And it didn’t stop there. During our writing and reading lessons, she spelled the words loudly and when she made mistakes, she laughed and repeated with the correct ones. We really had a good time today. The hard works and efforts got paid. And I hope she will never lose her confidence anymore.  

Read more: http://gameolosophy.com/games/bring-back-the-childs-confidence/#ixzz1kAEcuGYv

Would You Change Your...?

There are times when we just have to accept and surrender to the flow of life. Well I guess, that how life is, always flowing and changing and as part of it, like it or not we too have to live with it.

What I learn is that resisting change will not make life easier, especially if we talk about changes that actually serve us good. This reminds me of what happened to a friend years ago.

She is a mobile and successful career woman with a bit conservative way of thinking. The fact that her high education and she’d lived overseas for more than 5 years doesn’t change her way of doing certain things. One thing I remember, she had always refused to have a credit card. Not that I encourage anyone to have one but I think for people who are always on the go and who can afford having it, a credit card could be handy especially if you travel a lot. 

I remember the first time she was offered to have a credit card was when she was about to move to Denmark for 2 years job training. She refused for she was sure she could survive without that plastic money. Then years after that, which showed that indeed she had survived living without using credit card, surprisingly she asked me how and where to apply for one. When I asked why all of the sudden she wanted to have one, she said because she finally felt it would be more practical to buy flight tickets, to book a hotel, to pay medical admission and many more using a credit card. It took her perhaps 10 years to finally decide to have one.

Lately she’s been having this issue that continuously makes her considering buying a smart phone. One day she said to me she couldn’t understand why people especially her clients wanted her so much to use a Blackberry. She said she couldn’t see the biggie of using it. She’s still quite satisfied with her simple cell phone that enables her making and receiving phone calls and text messages. When I asked why she still refused to use a smart phone, she said she still didn’t feel the necessity to use it. Well, it’s all surely up to her. For me, I wouldn’t mind changing my phone, my banking method even my job as long as it's within my capacity and it supports my growth and expand my life.

When I Start Painting

 I’m not a professional or an amateur artist who has passion in painting or visual art. I’m just an ordinary person who doesn’t know much about art especially about painting techniques. When friends who happened to know more about visual art browsed my paintings and said This one looks beautiful or Your art is pretty or Hey, you have a style like those naïve paintings artists, you could expect me responding them with a thanks and big grin. It's always nice when others can appreciate your creation. And it feels good especially when they can enjoy it because to be honest, I know my painting is messy because I never learn how to paint and I paint to please myself and never thought that others would like it.

 

I started painting about one and a half year ago. I was inspired to give it a shot after I read some articles about healing with art. Started small and shy just like a new kid at school, my first piece was made out of water color pencils. Then I tried to be more adventurous by combining color pencils with oil pastels. The result was decent. I liked what I created. Then one day a friend of mine who’s also an art teacher suggested me to be more willing to experiment and express myself with those two coloring tools. She showed me how to create pretty colors by blending the oil pastels using my fingers. It was fun. It was dirty but it was fun. For months, I fell in love with this oil pastels blending and smudging on papers. I could create up to three paintings or drawings a day.  

After that, the same friend told me to try to start using acrylic paint. I felt nervous and the gremlin inside my head started to raise its voice. Do u really think u can paint that well? Do you consider yourself an artist that you think you can paint with real paint?. My friend sensed this hesitation and she laughed and said Don’t worry, I believe every body can paint. You just have to let the artist within to take charge. So there I was, bracing myself to go to the nearest art store and bought one set of acrylic paint, three different sizes of paint brush and one water color pad. I went home with a shopping bag full of artsy things and of course, enthusiasm. Like a child that ready to explore new toys, I took them out of the shopping bag and started to paint. Apparently, I enjoyed mixing and combining many colors into my paper. Without even realizing, I’ve painted more than 50 painting in a year.

There’s always the first time for everything. After getting used to paint on watercolor pad, one day I felt quiet ready to strike my brush on a canvas. Again, there’s this little voice full of bully telling me that painting on a canvas would be such a waste of money especially because I’m not a professional artist so why would I even bother buying a canvas. I should’ve felt happy enough with a paper. But I knew this words were bogus and I encouraged myself to paint on a canvas anyway. Luckily, my friend had some used canvas and she didn’t mind if I used them. And surprisingly, they were huge. So I re-painted these huge canvases white and started painting on it. And it was sooo nice. I never knew painting in a huge media could make me feel so free. The full movement of my hand, the rich amount of the paints that color whatever media I used for painting,  the strike and pressure of the brush in my hand, the whole process felt more like a dance to me. I’m satisfied and pleased. It’s not really about the painting, I guess it’s the process that makes me feel good. I think the same thing with life. It’s the journey that we enjoy, not the destination.

Oblivion

...and forgetting my true colors

I'm lost 

in the beauty

of the black and white

Travel Light

Image Credit

I know nothing

about you

about me

and the stories

we created

based on the so-called

freewill 

of love

and hate

of life

and death

all was mere play

thus don't get caught

don't lose your way

it wasn't me 

that you see

that you kiss

that you long for

and it wasn't you 

that I chase

that I praise

that I long for

I know nothing

about you

about me 

and the stories

that mere play

won't be with us

when we leave

when we return

to our essence

we travel light

and become

storyless

mind-less

emotionless

selfless

Inseparable

One

and

Whole