When something bad happens, like your loved one suddenly leave you, do you really think that you are a victim?
Sometimes I like to think life as a
school where I learn about certain things through experience. And like
any other school, there are several compulsory subjects to take. These
are subjects that will aim specifically to enhance growth by
experiencing pain and sufferings like illness, a breakup, job loss, and
many others. And it’s very normal and common to think ourselves as victims
especially because we think pain is a one way action. Take a breakup for
example. A breakup often initiated by one person in a relationship and
it most likely hurt the other one involved. But if we take a closer look
at the problem then we will be able to say ‘it takes two to tango.’
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I myself just got out of an unhealthy long-term relationship with a
guy. We were together for almost six years until one day he disappeared
just like that. I remember we still talked on the phone one evening and the next day he stopped answering my calls, replying my text
and until now I have no idea about his whereabouts. Four months after
he left, I then decided to stop trying to reach him. Knowing that wasn’t
the first time he disappeared during our 5 years together, I made up my
mind that enough is enough. I couldn’t stand treated like that any
longer. I thought I’d been giving him too much liberty to come and go
without notice all this time. Even if it’s final, I still thought I
deserved an explanation.
Since then, I spent years thinking myself as a victim of this
relationship. Until one day I was able to overcome the pain, the anger
and resentments then I could see this problem more objectively. Even
though I still don’t know the reason why he ended the relationship like
that, I’m sure I contribute something to the breakup. It could be the
lack of communications, lack of understanding, or too much compromising,
or anything. One thing I learn from this is, thinking myself as a
victim doesn’t help at all. It was only prolong the pain and made me
stuck in a rut. But when I took the responsibility and admit that I
might also did something that make the other person end the
relationship, I felt more empowered and I was able to pull myself
together faster.
That’s life. No matter how hard you try to hold on to something, if
that is never meant to be yours it won’t stay. So, yes a breakup hurts
like hell especially if it’s a good relationship that gone sour. But
when you get over it you’ll know the sweetness of this saying “Never be
sad for what is over, just be glad that it was once yours”.
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